"Th-th-th-That's All Folks!" -Porky Pig

Now that the party is over and my journey is completely complete, I will no longer be blogging. Hope you all enjoyed! I am now moving to the world of facebook, so add me :).

-The One, The Only- The Great Odysseus.

What comes before Part B? Part-A!!

"Where my party, pa-party

Party, pa-party people at?"

-Nelly

In case someone missed the invitation, here it is:

To all others of my great kingdom: There will be a huge celebration now that the king has returned. The entire castle will be turned into a party house. There will be many dance floors, a foam room, black-light rooms, catering on the veranda, and drinks in every room! Please come join us tomorrow starting at 6pm for dinner, and the party will go alllll night long!

Theme: Heroes vs. Villans. 

Bring: Your best dance moves :)

Hope to see you all there!

-Odysseus

Home Sweet Home

It was a fabulous feast!
I hadn't eaten that well for some years.

Mae, my apologies for not revealing myself to you. I couldn't be known as soon as I'd gotten here, but I do appreciate everything you did for me. It was so kind of you to let me into your mansion and give me food and shelter. Also, I still have the invisibility cloak you let me borrow- it's great for playing pranks! It's also quite warm :). And aren't you glad I was at least telling you the truth when I said I truly believed Odysseus was alive?! If you would have been keeping up with my blog you would've known I at least had a chance of survival. Although, it was like Man Vs. Wild out there! Anyway, I'm sure you've already forgiven me just because you're so excited I'm still alive!



-Odysseus

A Series of Unfortunate Events

The absolutely frightening Scylla.
Please take a moment of silence for the six men I lost to them.

As told by Circe, I steered the ship to tightly hug the cliffs so we would avoid Char (short for Charybdis, not Charmander). Of course, all my men and I were distracted by Char for the fact that when she swirled we could see the sea-floor covered in gold. As we intently stared at the water twister, we thought of nothing but death coming our way, as most who pass by jump into the waters unconsciously. Their mind forces them into believing they have a chance of reaching the gold and surviving. I did still have some hope though, as Circe hadn't let me down yet, and I was still following her instructions. My men and I were all tied to the boat so that even if we had decided to jump, we couldn't. All were concentrating on Char when sudden screams left from six of my strongest men's mouths. Scylla had grabbed them and began to tickle them to death! They yelled for me and revealed their need for it to stop through the laughter. I was helpless. There was nothing I could do but to watch. It was torture not only for them, but for all of us witnessing the sight also. I've had nightmares about the tickle monster ever since, but I haven't let anything stop me yet, for what follows are even more deaths.

My painting of the terrible Char as we approached.

Later on, as we perched on the island of the Sun, my men disobeyed me and chose to steal/slay some of the sun-god's cattle to make some nice, juicy steaks along with big glasses of milk. The idiots must have known there would be consequence of this! The sun-god then went to Zeus, the almighty, to tell him of the crime, and of course Zeus was going to back him up. He reassured the sun-god, saying "I will strike their ship with my white-hot thunderbolt and shatter and shiver it in mid-ocean." And that he did. We were all thrown to the sea. Our beautiful cruise ship, smashed to pieces. I cursed the stupidity of my men! I was once again faced with Char, but luckily I was caught onto a hanging tree, and there I stayed for hours on end, wanting yet not wanting to be released to grab to gold. Finally I was released down into the water again once the tree limb broke, but at this point Char had given up, and the gold was no longer viewable. I grabbed on to a board as Rose did in the Titanic and floated right past Scylla. If it weren't for Zeus hiding my image from the six headed tickle monster, I would have never made it alive.

Photo Cred: Zeus
(Also, credit for saving my life after this: Zeus.)

It was a treacherous time, and it was even more difficult afterwards knowing that I was the only one of the crew to make it out alive (and gold-less). I wept for them, and for my lonesome self. I still weep. All I want is to return home. Surely my journey will be over soon. Penelope, I'm coming home for you, I promise!

I love you all.
-Odysseus

Music to my Ears

Lady Circe told me that I alone of my crew was to hear the songs of the Sirens, so as we approached the island of the Sirens, I forced everyone else to put in heavy duty ear plugs. I was then locked in a room and tied to a chair tightly with rope, and I informed my men that they MUST wrap more ropes around me and tighten them further if I dare ask them to let me free. Of course, once the Sirens spotted our ship they began to raise their voices. They told me, "Pause with your ship; listen to our song. Never has any man passed this way in his dark vessel and left unheard the honey-sweet music from our lips." They sang and I begged to be released, but my faithful crew secured more rope around me and kept the vessel moving swiftly. Immediately after passing the island and out of range of their voices I was untied and let out. It was definitely an experience nonetheless, and I would not have made it without my comrades. I thank them greatly for their obedience in the matter.

Peace out!
-Odysseus

Modern Technology Rocks!

Skype date with my wonderful wife and superb son!
So glad to see their beautiful faces :)!

Anxiety from Lady Circe

I am burnt out, but I must continue on my journey. There have been so many weird encounters and not enough lounging time by the pool. I need more beers than I've been allowing myself. I'm at the end of my rope! And I have just been warned by Circe of future endangerments--great. Luckily she has told me how to handle these confrontations, so everything should be fine (I think). I am unsure of how long things will last, but I'll be sure to update y'all whenever I get the chance.

Yours truly,

Odysseus

The Land of the Dead

I was basically Hercules in this scenario.

I was sent on a mission. That's a lie, it was a dare, and I don't turn down dares. I was triple doggy dared to go to the land of the dead and perform a task Circe, this enchantress that I'm friends with -- yeah I'm cool, wanted me to do.

When I first arrived I did as Circe had told me, I found the spot Circe spoke of and dug a hole. I performed 'sacrifices' to attract the dead and reveal their souls. (Talk about gross!) It was creepy! It became more terrifying as the souls began to surround me, and I froze in fear. It really reminded me of the pool of souls that Hades maintained form the Hercules movie, except this was the rated R version without the cartoon features.

I saw many I knew, some I expected to see (jerks!), and others I was utterly surprised by. My heart sank when I saw Agy; I was furious and confused on why he was there. He told me of his wife and her affair and the evil plot to murder him upon his return. I wept for Agy; how could his wife bear such evils? It is a sad story, such a heartbreaker. I admit I had a bit of concern, for I could not imagine living without my Penelope, but I was reassured. Agy reminded me of what I've always known about my wonderful wife. As he stated it, "wise Penelope has true judgement, and all her thoughts are thoughts of virtue." Penelope I know you're reading this, and I want you to know that I adore you and I know you would never do such things. I love you, and I cannot wait to be reunited with you my darling.

I was doodling and ended up with
this drawing as could not get this
awful image out of my head. Oh the
great torment of poor Tanta!

Sisy's repeated routine.
The sweat poured from his body
 in his great struggle.

Unfortunately, that is not all of the corruptness I saw while down in the land of the dead. I came upon Tanta, and he was suffering of thirst and hunger. There was water up to his chin and grapes hanging right above him, but he was being teased. The second he went to drink, the water would sink and become unreachable, and the second he went to grab a grape, the wind would toss them too high for him to reach. I next saw Sisy, who was also being tormented. He would push this boulder uphill, and as soon as he reached the top, a force threw it back to the bottom, and he had to repeat the process over and over.

I hope to never return here. I don't think I could manage to go thorough that again, even if I got quadruple doggy dared. I haven't even mentioned everything I witnessed down there, but let's be honest, you can't handle the truth!
All I want is to be home.
-Odysseus

Poly Want A Cracker?

What a hideous, purple fiend!! 

We arrived at the land of the One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eaters, and without knowledge of their barbaric ways, my friends and I decided to get of our cruise ship. I was in mid-conversation with the one called Poly, and all of a sudden he scooped up two of my men in his strong, blistery hands.  He then declared, "You two shall battle to the death, and the loser shall be my meal! Also, if the other is too badly injured, I shall also eat him." He was after all a People Eater, according to the name of his race. He also never accomplished actually finishing two men in one meal, I suppose his eye was bigger than his stomach.

The deadly arena.

The battle was horrifying and malicious; I wanted nothing more than to stab him in his cruel heart for making my men do this, but I realized he used a heavy steal slab as a door to the arena where we were kept for battle, and there was absolutely no way my men and I could bear to move it. Killing Poly right then would have meant sacrificing ourselves too, so I knew I needed to come up with a plan.

Of course, throughout my planning process, which lasted a few days, he continues to devour more and more of my men after they died in battle, and I knew I needed to act quickly. I had some men start collecting bone remains and we sharpened, shaped, and attached them to make a long spear. We would use this to blind the People Eater, and we kept it hidden under the floor of the battle stage.  Finally, when everything was set in stone, the time came for Poly to be punished.

That got him wasted.

I began my evil plan by offering the People Eater some hard liquor, which he chugged, and he then requested more. I continued to serve him the wine until he was a drunken fool. He had drunken two handles worth! At this moment I decided to reveal my name to him, as he had asked me for it earlier. Instead of giving him my actual name though, I thought it would be better to play a trick on him. So I told him, "Poly, you ask me for my famous name... Nobody is my name." He believed me, and then began to vomit profusely before passing out.

I know, I know, I looked like a barbarian.
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

It was time to act with the spear. I started a fire by holding paper up to a light bulb, and I quickly shoved the spear into the fire waiting for it to heat up enough. Once ready, four men and I charged and speared Poly right in the eye. We twisted the weapon in his eye, watching the his eye scorch and the blood fly. He cried out in pain; he was blinded. He screamed for help to the other One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eaters yelling, "Nobody is killing me by force or treachery!" My men and I silently laughed at this, for the other People Eaters completely ignored him, thinking he was making a scene of nothing. I was so proud of my clever name. My men and I had one more trick up our sleeves. After he threw the steal door out of the way to exit the arena to fly to a doctor, we barged to the opening. He could still somewhat see figures moving, and he stomped in front of us and yelled, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" We then revealed the rope we had been running with and ran around his ankles. After a few moments, he fell to the floor, struggling with the knot around his feet. My men and I sprinted to the open door, and as I was about to step out of sight from him, I turned and said, "Hasta la vista, baby," hoping that I would never actually see him again in my life.

My sand version
of the evil one eyed thing.

It was a crazy time, and unfortunately I lost many men due to the purple beast. I do want everyone to know I am unharmed from the encounter, and the rest of my men and I are off to sea again. We'll be sure to lie by the pool on the ship and enjoy a beer or two (or a few). Hopefully we don't have anymore deadly confrontations.



I love and miss you all terribly, especially Penelope, my love, and Telemachus, my brave son.
-Odysseus

The Journey Begins

My dearest friends and family back home in Ithaca,

I have decided to start this blog to tell of my wondrous adventures so that you may see I am doing well while away. I hope my return will be soon, but I cannot guarantee anything. Please use this as a way to keep in touch with me. (I don't have a facebook page or twitter, so this is all you've got to stalk me on!) Also, I have a skype account: IthacaKing.Odysseus, so add me! I'll try to get on every chance I get, although I'm not sure how much wi-fi I'll be able to find. 

Hope all is well, miss y'all tons!

-Odysseus